I've never planned for anything that wasn't going to involve a murder at some point. [He looks up and makes eye contact with a woman pushing a cart in the other direction.] A fictional...murder mystery party murder!
[Nailed it?]
I feel like it's cheating having you help plan your own birthday party. But at least that way we know you're going to like it?
[Rhetorical. Although seriously, would they? The Balladeer feels like he's maybe bounced back a little too quick - the whole thing was definitely traumatizing, but also he's more used to death than everyone else.]
As long as you're fine with it. Oh, what kind of food should there be before the cake? I don't think it should be a potluck like all the Opera parties, people will be too busy with the holidays.
Maybe not for a while...? We could have scavenger hunts or different kinds of mysteries in the meantime. Like. Stolen artifacts maybe? There's plenty of other fake crime.
[ Hans got 100% desensitized to dead bodies after the shit with Eliza but you can bet your ass he'll trigger some latent PTSD if he sees any realistically fake headshots happen again. It's probably fair to assume most of the cast is like this.
Still, Hans really likes planning parties now, so that's definitely a thing that should happen someday. Also thanks to Denmark for having a whole page on Christmas food. (Why do they have autoplay, though.) ]
I guess we could get something catered now that we're not stuck somewhere. My cooking skills don't really surpass sandwiches and soups. But if I had to choose, we could get smoked salmon, red cabbage, maybe some mushrooms and vegetables...? Uh and probably something besides quiche, I think we all had enough of that.
Oh, gosh. We'd probably want someone else to make that.
[He's been learning to cook, but that sounds? Complicated?]
How would we get catering to our house? Maybe if we just had them bring it somewhere else and took it through ourselves? I don't want to upset the caterers by, uh. Altering their understanding of reality.
[Luckily, the Balladeer isn't the kind of asshole who curses a castle's entire staff just because the royalty in residence are jerks.]
That's okay. We'll just bring carts or something! It'll just make us look weird, and we already do that. [He has no illusions about what occasionally walking out of the woods probably looks like. It could maybe be remedied by driving into town like normal human beings, but he doesn't see any reason to bother.] I've never had salmon. Actually, the only fish I've ever had is the canned tuna from the pantries. The Player never bothered with a lot of the fancier ingredients backstage.
Oh, the best. Father had very high standards... it must have been a very stressful job, honestly.
[ He hadn't thought about it before, dang. Roughing it actually taught him some humility. Wow. ]
At this point, who cares. [ He shrugs. It's not like they know their neighbors or anything. Hey, maybe one day they can learn to drive. After they've eaten fancy food. ]
Oh, salmon is great! We should try some fancier stuff someday. I got used to simpler food in the Opera House but the food we used to have at the castle was just amazing... But I wouldn't want to eat it every day now, it'd be too much.
Yeah, I wouldn't want fancy stuff on a regular basis. Just not used to it.
[He peers over the stuff in the cart.] I think this is good. You wanna go back and start decorating? Or we could knock off and grab some lunch. It must be after noon by now.
[He glances around for a clock; he's never gotten in the habit of carrying a watch, too used to working in a show where time is irrelevant.]
Just on the holidays is good. I think I kind of like making my own food now that I'm used to it.
[ Now that he has a choice, that's nice too. Boy, not being trapped is great. Just getting to shop and spend time doing normal stuff is what it's all about. ]
Yeah, setting things up is probably going to take a while. [ Hans pushes the cart down the aisle, steering them towards check out. Time doesn't super matter when your boyfriend can teleport but he is getting a little hungry. ] We should eat first. Do you want to grab anything here to go?
[ The Balladeer has a bat-credit card. Hans just lets Bal deal with the money and stuff, he's just here to push the cart. ]
Not particularly, should we... hm. [ What was that other stuff they had at Denny's... Hans' knowledge of modern food is kinda limited. ] Maybe burgers?
[ Neither of them has much experience, what with Hans' idea of normal having been completely destroyed back in the Opera House. Not being belittled all the time is definitely worth the small price of having to cook and do things for yourself. ]
Yeah, totally! Does help to fill the time, though...
[Burgers, burgers...there's a little diner-looking place? Let's try that.]
I'm not used to time actually going forward. The first time it did that was in the Opera, my show was a lot more non-linear. I don't think I'd know what to do with myself now if you weren't here.
[ Hans smiles. Look, he's starved for attention and a little appreciation really goes a long way. ]
I guess we're lucky you've got me. Skipping between different times sounds like it would get confusing fast.
[ Of course, Hans is only used to time moving forward. There aren't any Disney movies quite like Assassins. And hey, a diner sounds perfect, why not stick with what they know? ]
[He just shrugs.] I guess. Never seemed that way to me. But now I've got linear people I want to keep up with, so it's good to have some kind of anchor.
[Let's just go in and order our food then, we don't need to play that out.]
You're not exactly going through time normally either anymore, y'know. We can go whenever we want, too.
I guess it'll take some getting used to for both of us.
[ Like having to learn this linear and non-linear stuff, but Hans can parse enough from context to get what he means. Plus what better place to fast-forward lunch scenes than here. ]
Oh, you're right... I actually hadn't thought about it like that. Honestly, as long as it's not my past we're going to, that's fine with me.
[ Obviously, they're not in his time anymore and the amenities are really nice, he's not complaining. Hans is a villain though, whenever obviously brings to mind past mistakes and lives he could ruin if he traveled backwards or forwards in time. He won't do that, but it's the first thing that comes to mind, duh. ]
But we should probably avoid skipping ahead to anyone else's world, too, I'd worry I might lose track of who we know, and when if we skipped back and forth.
[The Balladeer nods.] I'd hate to miss out on anything with anybody. And knowing their futures could get...weird? In theory I don't think changing the timeline would hurt anything, but I think we should all just be able to live our lives. Unscripted.
[He pauses as the waitress brings the food, and starts squirting a ketchup packet into his fries as she leaves.]
I agree. I mean, we can make sure we're always right on time, at least? You always have the best timing when you enter a scene.
[ That's kind of a very meta compliment, but you get him. Narrative powers, inasmuch as Hans understands them, are pretty awesome. And god-like. Which is pretty funny coming from a guy just eating fries like a normal person.
Because guess what, Hans is going to pilfer one of those fries and dip them in into the ketchup like a normal person. (he's totally seen people do this, it's totally normal, right?) ]
Everything you did, you did to help others. We were all lucky to have you... but especially me. [ He takes a bite of his fry, smiling at the Balladeer. French fries are so awesome. So is Bal. ] Now it's time to go off-book, so you can take it easy on the rest.
[The Balladeer grins, so apparently the compliment landed.]
"From here on in, we shoot without a script". [Aaaand his smile fades, and he looks down at his food, poking a fry in the ketchup himself.] I am sorry I couldn't do more for the first group. Judas's friends.
[ If his life is going to be a play from now on, then at least he'll get to star beside the Balladeer. Even a supporting role is a-ok. ]
You weren't around back then. That wasn't your story. And if taking over the Leading Player's role wasn't enough, then there probably wasn't anything you could have done.
[ Hans dips another fry, taking a bite of it thoughtfully. ]
Even you have your limits, Bal. You're not all-powerful. And that's fine.
[But even though he could see the ghosts just fine, he never seemed able to cross over to their side. The first victims weren't there anyway, right?]
I know where the stories they came from are now, but I don't know what to do about it. If there's anything to be done. What'm I supposed to tell people there, that their friends got kidnapped by a stage musical?
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[LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT]
We can probably set some of it up the day before. Decorations and stuff. You've planned way more parties than I have...
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[ Weird, but okay. ]
Oh, good point. Plus we can do gifts on Christmas Eve, just you and me. That way we'll have more time on my birthday to get everything ready.
[ Actually celebrating his birthday almost sounds fake, but here they are. Shopping for... party stuff. ]
Planning is nice, but it's even better when you get to plan and be a part of the celebrations. You'll see.
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[Nailed it?]
I feel like it's cheating having you help plan your own birthday party. But at least that way we know you're going to like it?
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Now there's an idea.
[ Maybe next year, when the sting has worn off a little bit. Hans smiles, fond. ]
I don't mind a bit of cheating. It's enough just having a party, at all.
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[Rhetorical. Although seriously, would they? The Balladeer feels like he's maybe bounced back a little too quick - the whole thing was definitely traumatizing, but also he's more used to death than everyone else.]
As long as you're fine with it. Oh, what kind of food should there be before the cake? I don't think it should be a potluck like all the Opera parties, people will be too busy with the holidays.
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[ Hans got 100% desensitized to dead bodies after the shit with Eliza but you can bet your ass he'll trigger some latent PTSD if he sees any realistically fake headshots happen again. It's probably fair to assume most of the cast is like this.
Still, Hans really likes planning parties now, so that's definitely a thing that should happen someday. Also thanks to Denmark for having a whole page on Christmas food. (Why do they have autoplay, though.) ]
I guess we could get something catered now that we're not stuck somewhere. My cooking skills don't really surpass sandwiches and soups. But if I had to choose, we could get smoked salmon, red cabbage, maybe some mushrooms and vegetables...? Uh and probably something besides quiche, I think we all had enough of that.
[ Never mind meat pies, oh man. ]
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[He's been learning to cook, but that sounds? Complicated?]
How would we get catering to our house? Maybe if we just had them bring it somewhere else and took it through ourselves? I don't want to upset the caterers by, uh. Altering their understanding of reality.
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Yeah, I can't make any of that, that's just what we used to eat back home.
[ So you know, it'd be nice. But probably not worth disrupting their lives, yeah. He considers it. ]
That... might be for the best. We could go pick it up in person, though I don't know if we could carry it all.
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[Luckily, the Balladeer isn't the kind of asshole who curses a castle's entire staff just because the royalty in residence are jerks.]
That's okay. We'll just bring carts or something! It'll just make us look weird, and we already do that. [He has no illusions about what occasionally walking out of the woods probably looks like. It could maybe be remedied by driving into town like normal human beings, but he doesn't see any reason to bother.] I've never had salmon. Actually, the only fish I've ever had is the canned tuna from the pantries. The Player never bothered with a lot of the fancier ingredients backstage.
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[ He hadn't thought about it before, dang. Roughing it actually taught him some humility. Wow. ]
At this point, who cares. [ He shrugs. It's not like they know their neighbors or anything. Hey, maybe one day they can learn to drive. After they've eaten fancy food. ]
Oh, salmon is great! We should try some fancier stuff someday. I got used to simpler food in the Opera House but the food we used to have at the castle was just amazing... But I wouldn't want to eat it every day now, it'd be too much.
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[He peers over the stuff in the cart.] I think this is good. You wanna go back and start decorating? Or we could knock off and grab some lunch. It must be after noon by now.
[He glances around for a clock; he's never gotten in the habit of carrying a watch, too used to working in a show where time is irrelevant.]
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[ Now that he has a choice, that's nice too. Boy, not being trapped is great. Just getting to shop and spend time doing normal stuff is what it's all about. ]
Yeah, setting things up is probably going to take a while. [ Hans pushes the cart down the aisle, steering them towards check out. Time doesn't super matter when your boyfriend can teleport but he is getting a little hungry. ] We should eat first. Do you want to grab anything here to go?
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[He moves towards the cashier to "pay" for "their goods" with "real human money"]
You in the mood for anything?
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The Balladeer has a bat-credit card.Hans just lets Bal deal with the money and stuff, he's just here to push the cart. ]Not particularly, should we... hm. [ What was that other stuff they had at Denny's... Hans' knowledge of modern food is kinda limited. ] Maybe burgers?
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[Let's just load this shit in their cart again and take the cart out...past the parking lot and away? Oh well, he'll teleport it back later.]
It's funny to think about how normal all this is, sometimes. You know, relatively.
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Yeah, you're right.
[ Neither of them has much experience, what with Hans' idea of normal having been completely destroyed back in the Opera House. Not being belittled all the time is definitely worth the small price of having to cook and do things for yourself. ]
Normal's not so hard! We can totally do this.
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[Burgers, burgers...there's a little diner-looking place? Let's try that.]
I'm not used to time actually going forward. The first time it did that was in the Opera, my show was a lot more non-linear. I don't think I'd know what to do with myself now if you weren't here.
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I guess we're lucky you've got me. Skipping between different times sounds like it would get confusing fast.
[ Of course, Hans is only used to time moving forward. There aren't any Disney movies quite like Assassins. And hey, a diner sounds perfect, why not stick with what they know? ]
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[Let's just go in and order our food then, we don't need to play that out.]
You're not exactly going through time normally either anymore, y'know. We can go whenever we want, too.
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[ Like having to learn this linear and non-linear stuff, but Hans can parse enough from context to get what he means. Plus what better place to fast-forward lunch scenes than here. ]
Oh, you're right... I actually hadn't thought about it like that. Honestly, as long as it's not my past we're going to, that's fine with me.
[ Obviously, they're not in his time anymore and the amenities are really nice, he's not complaining. Hans is a villain though, whenever obviously brings to mind past mistakes and lives he could ruin if he traveled backwards or forwards in time. He won't do that, but it's the first thing that comes to mind, duh. ]
But we should probably avoid skipping ahead to anyone else's world, too, I'd worry I might lose track of who we know, and when if we skipped back and forth.
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[He pauses as the waitress brings the food, and starts squirting a ketchup packet into his fries as she leaves.]
I don't want to play god any more than I have.
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[ That's kind of a very meta compliment, but you get him. Narrative powers, inasmuch as Hans understands them, are pretty awesome. And god-like. Which is pretty funny coming from a guy just eating fries like a normal person.
Because guess what, Hans is going to pilfer one of those fries and dip them in into the ketchup like a normal person. (he's totally seen people do this, it's totally normal, right?) ]
Everything you did, you did to help others. We were all lucky to have you... but especially me. [ He takes a bite of his fry, smiling at the Balladeer. French fries are so awesome. So is Bal. ] Now it's time to go off-book, so you can take it easy on the rest.
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"From here on in, we shoot without a script". [Aaaand his smile fades, and he looks down at his food, poking a fry in the ketchup himself.] I am sorry I couldn't do more for the first group. Judas's friends.
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You weren't around back then. That wasn't your story. And if taking over the Leading Player's role wasn't enough, then there probably wasn't anything you could have done.
[ Hans dips another fry, taking a bite of it thoughtfully. ]
Even you have your limits, Bal. You're not all-powerful. And that's fine.
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[But even though he could see the ghosts just fine, he never seemed able to cross over to their side. The first victims weren't there anyway, right?]
I know where the stories they came from are now, but I don't know what to do about it. If there's anything to be done. What'm I supposed to tell people there, that their friends got kidnapped by a stage musical?
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