[ I mean, if Bal was ever in any trouble, Hans wouldn't want to leave him either. But they'd be in some deep trouble, they'd need to pull some serious magic to save him. It could be a fun kink meme prompt. ]
Okay, that... kind of makes sense. [ I mean technically Hans has an official live action version, thanks OUAT, but he's not that Hans. It's a lot to get straight when you're just a Disney character, but wizards and magic seem to work the same way, there's just. Stage rules? ]
Yeah, the same place could work. Or, would some kind of distraction work? Kind of like how they dim the lights when people change the setting onstage?
I mean, we can't exactly go behind a curtain, so...
[ Smoke bombs and magic tricks, this sounds like a great plan. ]
Yeah, like a pocket watch, or some kind of piece of jewelry? It'd have to only work for me since, if we're really thinking of a worst-case here, if it got stolen that would be bad.
[ And probably the plot to yet another wacky hijinks adventure.
Gee, it's a good thing the store is probably reasonably empty right now. This would be a weird conversation to overhear. ]
It'd probably be complicated enough that any thieves would wind up in South Pacific or something. But yeah, good idea.
[He picks up some lights to inspect them, then tosses them in a cart. They seem pretty long. He'll get like five boxes.]
What if I set up a few doorways in our house to places you'd go often, and then you had something that just let you get back home? If anything happened that'd make you need it, home's probably the safest place to go.
[ That seems to be how these things work out. He's getting the hang of it, maybe. Still no clue about Christmas lights though, so you're on that duty, Bal. ]
That sounds like a safe enough plan. My thing could be more of an anchor than actually magic. And if we keep things at home... well, people are less likely to just stumble inside.
[ But think about how fun it would be at parties! ]
That'd probably be easier to work out. Sounds good to me. [Can that be a Christmas gift? Maybe. He'll have to make it look nice, whatever he attaches it to.] What color ornaments do you like?
[And here we go, collecting red and purple ball ornaments.]
We'll get a star or something for the top. I don't know about angels, we know too many people who know them...hey, are you going to give me a Christmas list? [Honest question, he does not know if this is a thing people do]
[The Balladeer sucks thoughtfully on his teeth for a moment, then shrugs.]
Yeeeeah, that would be best. I've never had to get anyone gifts before...I can make one too, if you want? [He's not sure he wants for anything, really, but Hans will want to get him something.]
I...I was assuming you wouldn't want to send any gifts back, but if you want to get something for Lars, I can deliver it. [He sounds doubtful; he hasn't gotten the impression that the two were close, so much as Lars was the only one who wasn't a complete and utter ass. Also Lars is likely to be spending the holidays alone now, which is depressing even if it is a step up from family time. Should he ever tell Hans about the curse thing? Probably.]
[ Admittedly, Hans can't think of anything the Balladeer would want or need that he can't just will into existence. ]
I was going to try and knit you a scarf or a hat. I just have to learn how to knit.
[ He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers a bit. He's still so bad at this. This should not be this embarrassing. Then again, when it comes to his family... ]
I guess we could get Lars some kind of history book? He's kind of a nerd, he'd enjoy something like that. Not that he ever got me anything. But he's the third-born son, he was always very busy around my birthday.
[ There it is. He's gonna find out eventually, Bal. ]
[The Balladeer looks genuinely touched. No one's ever made him anything before - nothing that wasn't food, anyway.]
Maybe if - no, no, nevermind. I'll let you do it. [Him lining up knitting lessons seems a little overly controlling around the whole gift thing. Is it? He knows he'd rather go get Hans something alone than have him stand right next to him and pick it out, so.] If you don't want to get him anything, don't feel like you have to. I'm sure he's plenty busy right now -
[Wait]
Your birthday? [god, he sort of forgot those existed] When's your birthday?
It's the only thing I could come up with that you couldn't make.
[ Hans shrugs. He's actually really pleased that Bal is so touched, but you know he's gonna try to play it off a little. ]
No, I don't mind getting him something. I can always take the high road there, it's not like he ever actively antagonized me and I'm... trying to be nicer, so it wouldn't be a bad thing.
[ Oh, right. Birthdays. Those are things people celebrate when they're not thirteenth huh. ]
My birthday is on Christmas Day. But I haven't celebrated it since I was... uh, actually I can't remember. Probably never? [ He's totally cool with this, it's been twenty-three years of indifference and torment. ] My brothers used to tease me about it every year, I'm sure you can imagine the kinds of things they said about me.
[Wait, is comparing him to Jesus one of those things his brothers said? We all know he's no Christ allegory anyway, we've already got one in the cast.]
We have to have a party. [He claps his hands together.] A birthday party! I'm so glad you said something, I'd forgotten about birthdays. How do we have a birthday party?
[Cake, right? He knows how to bake a cake. And...what, hats? Again, he suspects this is all for children's birthday parties. But since Hans never had any of those, maybe that isn't such a bad thing?
He'll ask Seymour. No...maybe Billy. Who does he know that didn't have an awful childhood?]
[ Hans chuckles. At least Bal seems excited. He's more worried no one will actually show. ]
Mostly they just called me an 'unwanted gift' or accused me of wanting to upstage Jesus every time I asked for some kind of acknowledgement.
[ But seeing everyone again in one place like before would be nice. Not that Hans minds the time alone, but he knows how well-liked Bal is and they'll probably be overdue for a reunion by then. ]
Um, besides cake and presents... it's basically just a normal party, I think? You might have to ask someone who's had one before.
[ Hans doesn't know about themed parties please give him one... seriously do any of them have normal childhoods? ]
[One or two of the nasty comments he overheard, anyway, while lurking around that castle.]
We can do Christmas in the morning, and have everyone over later. [Whoever wants to come to a dual Christmas/Hans party, anyway. Maybe Anna will at least drop in.] What do you want it to be like? It's your party.
[ Mostly he's just asking because it could explain everything. Hans is kind of a mess, his childhood is largely to blame for it. ]
That sounds... really nice. No one's ever taken the time for me like that, maybe--maybe don't tell everyone it's a party for me, they might actually show up.
[ He chuckles, though there's definitely some hurt there. He's not gonna get emotional in the middle of a store, but he's feeling really touched right now? ]
I really don't know, though. Besides... food, presents and people? I'm not expecting a royal ball like they did for my brothers in the Southern Isles.
No, no, just, uh. Some things I heard when I went to get Sitron.
[He waves a hand to dismiss the topic.]
Okay. I'll just put something together, invite some people. It's been a while since the whole cast was together anyway - our place is as good as any to have guests. Anyone else would have to spend a lot of time on preparations and cleanup.
[He doubtless will set most of it up by hand - you don't handwave important things. But they do have a general source of income, and he won't clean any of it up manually.]
Besides, it would be a shame to set all these decorations up and never have anyone else see them!
Yeah, it's perfect. We can set everything up together! And hopefully everyone shows up, even if they have their own Christmas plans.
[ Hans did plan a few parties while he was in the Opera house, he kind of enjoys it. They're like a couple of party planners. They could even send out invitations! ]
Of course, we'll have to go all out if we're showing off the decorations... [ He sounds excited about it though, he loves showing off. ] I love it.
Ohhhhhh, no. I just dressed up like one of the castle servants - they didn't even really notice I was there. Awful security, by the way. [How do they pay so little attention to their staff that they don't notice when a new one suddenly crops up? There weren't that many servants.] I'm amazed they didn't have more incidents.
[BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT]
Right! Let's get - [He stops up short at a display of a life-sized animatronic Santa.] - woah. That's creepy.
Oh, good. That's probably for the best, they don't keep people on staff for very long. There's a lot of turnover.
[ Hans shrugs. He'd hate for his family to meet Bal... no one should have to deal with Hans' family, much less the guy he's actually in love with. The fact that he's not inheriting some kingdom would be bad enough if he wasn't also a man. Definitely about as progressive as they are interested in castle safety. ]
Are these-- [ Hans takes a step back, staring in a mix of awe and. Definitely not fear! Just. Um. It's very creepy. ] Why would anyone buy this?
[ I mean, he knows enough to know it's a prop but christ. No one has explained robots to him. ]
Yeah... That sounds typical. I guess I'll eventually have to talk to Lars or something to let him know I haven't died at sea or something. He'd probably write me back if I asked how things were going.
[ The temptation is too real, you've dug this pit for yourself, B. ]
Oh, Christ! [ Thanks for turning it on, Hans definitely jumped the moment it started moving. I mean, I could lie and say he moved in front of the Balladeer to protect him from this thing, but it'd be funnier if he "accidentally" cowered behind the Balladeer a little. So that's what he does.
You didn't see anything tho, it happened too fast. Definitely. Hans clears his throat and steps out from behind Bal. Yes, that happened. ]
Let's, um. Let's not get anything like this. Some things weren't meant to be invented.
Oh, um. They definitely think you died at sea. I ended up bringing them the message and everything - guess when you vanish off a boat, people just assume...
[The Balladeer steps forward to flick the Santa robot off again.]
Yeah. Yeah, let's just...save that kind of thing for Halloween. [Or not. They won't get trick or treaters, so does it matter? He moves along, leaning over to peer at one of those lighted deer people put in their yard.] These are okay! Look, the heads just go up and down a little.
[ Hans snorts. That's about as good a plan as he'd have come up with. ]
I'll bet they were happy to hear it.
[ How long has his dad wanted him dead? 23 years? He steps away from the creepy Santa's and follows the Balladeer to the light-up deer. There's a few snowmen too. Do they get snow at their house? ]
Yeah, these are... smaller. They'd probably look nice, they're more obviously fake.
[ Somehow scary monsters like Marshmallow are okay but I think Hans would be seriously creeped out if he saw Olaf. ]
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Okay, that... kind of makes sense. [ I mean technically Hans has an official live action version, thanks OUAT, but he's not that Hans. It's a lot to get straight when you're just a Disney character, but wizards and magic seem to work the same way, there's just. Stage rules? ]
Yeah, the same place could work. Or, would some kind of distraction work? Kind of like how they dim the lights when people change the setting onstage?
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[They should buy smoke bombs.]
Maybe I could give you some kind of "magic thing". [He does the air quotes.] It could be enough of an explanation to work.
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[ Smoke bombs and magic tricks, this sounds like a great plan. ]
Yeah, like a pocket watch, or some kind of piece of jewelry? It'd have to only work for me since, if we're really thinking of a worst-case here, if it got stolen that would be bad.
[ And probably the plot to yet another wacky hijinks adventure.
Gee, it's a good thing the store is probably reasonably empty right now. This would be a weird conversation to overhear. ]
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[He picks up some lights to inspect them, then tosses them in a cart. They seem pretty long. He'll get like five boxes.]
What if I set up a few doorways in our house to places you'd go often, and then you had something that just let you get back home? If anything happened that'd make you need it, home's probably the safest place to go.
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[ That seems to be how these things work out. He's getting the hang of it, maybe. Still no clue about Christmas lights though, so you're on that duty, Bal. ]
That sounds like a safe enough plan. My thing could be more of an anchor than actually magic. And if we keep things at home... well, people are less likely to just stumble inside.
[ But think about how fun it would be at parties! ]
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[He might make it take thieves somewhere nasty.]
That'd probably be easier to work out. Sounds good to me. [Can that be a Christmas gift? Maybe. He'll have to make it look nice, whatever he attaches it to.] What color ornaments do you like?
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Great. That'll be nice, at least then I don't have to bother you every time I want to go talk to Seymour or anything.
[ Plus it helps for visiting Eliza and asking her to teach him to knit, this works out perfectly. ]
Red usually looks good. Unless we want more than one color...? Because I kind of like purple, too.
[ But red is The Right Color, even Hans can see that. ]
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[And here we go, collecting red and purple ball ornaments.]
We'll get a star or something for the top. I don't know about angels, we know too many people who know them...hey, are you going to give me a Christmas list? [Honest question, he does not know if this is a thing people do]
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[ No one's ever gotten him gifts before. ]
I don't really know. No one's ever gone out of their way to get me anything before. I usually got whatever my brothers didn't want.
Should I make a list? [ He doesn't know where to start. Should he also mention it's his birthday... Hans, please. ]
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Yeeeeah, that would be best. I've never had to get anyone gifts before...I can make one too, if you want? [He's not sure he wants for anything, really, but Hans will want to get him something.]
I...I was assuming you wouldn't want to send any gifts back, but if you want to get something for Lars, I can deliver it. [He sounds doubtful; he hasn't gotten the impression that the two were close, so much as Lars was the only one who wasn't a complete and utter ass.
Also Lars is likely to be spending the holidays alone now, which is depressing even if it is a step up from family time. Should he ever tell Hans about the curse thing? Probably.]no subject
[ Admittedly, Hans can't think of anything the Balladeer would want or need that he can't just will into existence. ]
I was going to try and knit you a scarf or a hat. I just have to learn how to knit.
[ He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers a bit. He's still so bad at this. This should not be this embarrassing. Then again, when it comes to his family... ]
I guess we could get Lars some kind of history book? He's kind of a nerd, he'd enjoy something like that. Not that he ever got me anything. But he's the third-born son, he was always very busy around my birthday.
[ There it is.
He's gonna find out eventually, Bal.]no subject
[The Balladeer looks genuinely touched. No one's ever made him anything before - nothing that wasn't food, anyway.]
Maybe if - no, no, nevermind. I'll let you do it. [Him lining up knitting lessons seems a little overly controlling around the whole gift thing. Is it? He knows he'd rather go get Hans something alone than have him stand right next to him and pick it out, so.] If you don't want to get him anything, don't feel like you have to. I'm sure he's plenty busy right now -
[Wait]
Your birthday? [god, he sort of forgot those existed] When's your birthday?
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[ Hans shrugs. He's actually really pleased that Bal is so touched, but you know he's gonna try to play it off a little. ]
No, I don't mind getting him something. I can always take the high road there, it's not like he ever actively antagonized me and I'm... trying to be nicer, so it wouldn't be a bad thing.
[ Oh, right. Birthdays. Those are things people celebrate when they're not thirteenth huh. ]
My birthday is on Christmas Day. But I haven't celebrated it since I was... uh, actually I can't remember. Probably never? [ He's totally cool with this, it's been twenty-three years of indifference and torment. ] My brothers used to tease me about it every year, I'm sure you can imagine the kinds of things they said about me.
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[Wait, is comparing him to Jesus one of those things his brothers said? We all know he's no Christ allegory anyway, we've already got one in the cast.]
We have to have a party. [He claps his hands together.] A birthday party! I'm so glad you said something, I'd forgotten about birthdays. How do we have a birthday party?
[Cake, right? He knows how to bake a cake. And...what, hats? Again, he suspects this is all for children's birthday parties. But since Hans never had any of those, maybe that isn't such a bad thing?
He'll ask Seymour. No...maybe Billy. Who does he know that didn't have an awful childhood?]
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Mostly they just called me an 'unwanted gift' or accused me of wanting to upstage Jesus every time I asked for some kind of acknowledgement.
[ But seeing everyone again in one place like before would be nice. Not that Hans minds the time alone, but he knows how well-liked Bal is and they'll probably be overdue for a reunion by then. ]
Um, besides cake and presents... it's basically just a normal party, I think? You might have to ask someone who's had one before.
[ Hans doesn't know about themed parties please give him one... seriously do any of them have normal childhoods? ]
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[One or two of the nasty comments he overheard, anyway, while lurking around that castle.]
We can do Christmas in the morning, and have everyone over later. [Whoever wants to come to a dual Christmas/Hans party, anyway. Maybe Anna will at least drop in.] What do you want it to be like? It's your party.
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[ Mostly he's just asking because it could explain everything. Hans is kind of a mess, his childhood is largely to blame for it. ]
That sounds... really nice. No one's ever taken the time for me like that, maybe--maybe don't tell everyone it's a party for me, they might actually show up.
[ He chuckles, though there's definitely some hurt there. He's not gonna get emotional in the middle of a store, but he's feeling really touched right now? ]
I really don't know, though. Besides... food, presents and people? I'm not expecting a royal ball like they did for my brothers in the Southern Isles.
Actually I might like it better that way.
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[He waves a hand to dismiss the topic.]
Okay. I'll just put something together, invite some people. It's been a while since the whole cast was together anyway - our place is as good as any to have guests. Anyone else would have to spend a lot of time on preparations and cleanup.
[He doubtless will set most of it up by hand - you don't handwave important things. But they do have a general source of income, and he won't clean any of it up manually.]
Besides, it would be a shame to set all these decorations up and never have anyone else see them!
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[ Oh, Hans... you have no idea. ]
Yeah, it's perfect. We can set everything up together! And hopefully everyone shows up, even if they have their own Christmas plans.
[ Hans did plan a few parties while he was in the Opera house, he kind of enjoys it. They're like a couple of party planners. They could even send out invitations! ]
Of course, we'll have to go all out if we're showing off the decorations... [ He sounds excited about it though, he loves showing off. ] I love it.
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[BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT]
Right! Let's get - [He stops up short at a display of a life-sized animatronic Santa.] - woah. That's creepy.
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[ Hans shrugs. He'd hate for his family to meet Bal... no one should have to deal with Hans' family, much less the guy he's actually in love with. The fact that he's not inheriting some kingdom would be bad enough if he wasn't also a man. Definitely about as progressive as they are interested in castle safety. ]
Are these-- [ Hans takes a step back, staring in a mix of awe and. Definitely not fear! Just. Um. It's very creepy. ] Why would anyone buy this?
[ I mean, he knows enough to know it's a prop but christ. No one has explained robots to him. ]
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[Sometimes he just can't help but make a shitty comment about something.]
I guess...they think it's neat? [The Santa isn't on. Does he want it to be on? Probably not...
He presses the button. Now it's moving.]
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[ The temptation is too real, you've dug this pit for yourself, B. ]
Oh, Christ! [ Thanks for turning it on, Hans definitely jumped the moment it started moving. I mean, I could lie and say he moved in front of the Balladeer to protect him from this thing, but it'd be funnier if he "accidentally" cowered behind the Balladeer a little. So that's what he does.
You didn't see anything tho, it happened too fast. Definitely. Hans clears his throat and steps out from behind Bal. Yes, that happened. ]
Let's, um. Let's not get anything like this. Some things weren't meant to be invented.
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[The Balladeer steps forward to flick the Santa robot off again.]
Yeah. Yeah, let's just...save that kind of thing for Halloween. [Or not. They won't get trick or treaters, so does it matter? He moves along, leaning over to peer at one of those lighted deer people put in their yard.] These are okay! Look, the heads just go up and down a little.
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I'll bet they were happy to hear it.
[ How long has his dad wanted him dead? 23 years? He steps away from the creepy Santa's and follows the Balladeer to the light-up deer. There's a few snowmen too. Do they get snow at their house? ]
Yeah, these are... smaller. They'd probably look nice, they're more obviously fake.
[ Somehow scary monsters like Marshmallow are okay but I think Hans would be seriously creeped out if he saw Olaf. ]
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