Yeppppp... [He gives it a shove, and the tree rocks up into place. The Balladeer grabs at the trunk to keep it from tipping too far over, but the tree stand does its job and it steadies out pretty quickly. The Balladeer laughs a little, delighted. They have a Christmas tree!]
Great! It looks fantastic. We're gonna need to string the lights around...I don't know how long the strings are, maybe two or three for this? And then the back and the front...
[He's already moving back through the house as he's talking, to peer out at their backyard. It's not particularly landscaped, and the wild plants are already starting to creep up from the woods into what's supposed to be their lawn. Honestly, he doesn't mind enough to do anything about that.]
Maybe we could just get bigger ones for out there. Like lanterns? It'd be good if anyone gets lost in the Woods this winter, it's starting to get too cold for wandering long. [He somehow pronounces the capital W. The Woods as a trope are pretty eternal, and very easy to lose your way in, only to end up in mysterious otherworldly places. Something to watch out for.]
[ Hans nods at the tree, smiling. It doesn't have to be huge to be perfect, and right here it looks perfect. Watching Bal be this excited is endearing on its own. Hans hasn't gotten birthday presents for years, but this could be it. Seeing the Balladeer's face on Christmas morning is definitely going to be worth it.
Hans may not know what happens to kids who get lost in the woods or why they'd end up at their place, but he follows the Balladeer into backyard. It is definitely an abyss back there. You know, just a little unsettling. But it's nothing some Christmas can't fix.. ]
I think I saw some ornaments made of lights, if nothing else. They were like... Reindeer and presents, we could set those up, too!
[ Are lawn ornaments tacky? Because at this rate they're just going to be a giant beacon of light and that's okay. ]
[Well, the ones who don't get scooped up by horror stories or traditional fantasy might end up here. He thinks they're probably on the lighter edge of the fairy tale genre; there is a Disney character involved, former villain or not. Maybe they can be the mysterious mentor figures in a pinch, sing a song and give a bit of vital advice and send the hero off without ever appearing in the narrative again. It couldn't end up any worse than the trolls.
He may have already done the early-story vengeful curse-layer bit as well. But that usually requires you to go to the curse-ees, and also he might not have technically told Hans that he turned the majority of his family into sea monsters? Billy promised not to tell him first, so.]
Yeah! We could just string them along the treeline, no need to totally decorate any one of them. And we'll need normal ornaments for this one in here...let's head back and look at what they have?
[ Trolls are a pretty low bar, but that sounds about right. Hans would be okay with helping the occasional lost traveler, it's not like he's doing the villain thing anymore.
He's not gonna be mad, Bal. I mean they totally had it coming and he hates most of them... He'd just feel bad that you had to meet so many of them. ]
Whatever looks good, honestly. I'll follow your lead. [ He's still getting used to Christmas lights in general but they seem really cool. ]
Sure, we should have a look! [ And it's not like going back to the store takes more than a few seconds. ] What kind of ornaments did you want to get?
[Look he's not a hundred percent proud of it. He's not the kind of person that generally doles out life-altering curses.]
I don't know, the round ones? That's the kind they always have in show trees. [He turns to start heading back out the front, towards the rip in time-space that leads back to the store.] Do you think you could find your way out of here without me?
[ Just blame Hans' influence somehow. Disney has a way with poetic justice. ]
Okay, just making sure. I've heard some people hand-make them but I've always thought the trees look a little messy when they don't all coincide.
[ He's not the most creative guy, this Hans. He also tries not to think too hard about how the tears in time and space work, only that things often lead where they shouldn't. Perhaps even when they shouldn't. ]
Do you mean the house? Or just to the store?
[ There's some stage magic keeping the town a short walk away, sure, and Hans does plan on buying Bal a gift when he gets the chance and he's not looking. So... hopefully there's a way back, right? ]
To the store, or anywhere. And back again, I guess - I don't want you to be stuck in here if I'm doing something, or if you just want to go somewhere by yourself.
[He takes Hans's hand, leading him back through the scene transition into the outskirts of the town.]
We've all had enough of being stuck in places, I guess.
[ It does bear questioning, huh. Hans follows the Balladeer through the door/portal/what have you, but he looks back as they enter the store. ]
But you're right. If we get separated or anything... I'd rather be able to come home.
[ He's not narratively aware the way Bal is, but he can kinda tell there's something weird about the scene transitions they use. Enough that he'd probably recognize one if he saw one. Just because he can't make them doesn't mean he can't use them alone, right? Probably? ]
Is there something you could do? Like leave doors, or make them open just for me?
I could try leaving some kind of physical door on our end. I don't want to do that on this side, though, that would catapult us into "terrifying urban legend" so fast...
[That's some Night Vale shit right there. He doesn't want to risk their home going sideways if people start conceiving of them as the People Beyond The Doors or something.]
Besides, I couldn't put one everywhere we go. It'd be good to figure out something else, if we're separated while traveling somewhere new or something...what do they feel like, for you?
[ Then again, how to handwave Hans traveling on his own... it's not like he can get temporary narrator powers, that's waaay too much power to give a former villain. But getting separated would... well, Hans would be in some serious trouble, probably. But he could make it work. ]
It's kind of hard to put into words. It's like... Well, they always feel out of place. Like the colors are off. But it's more than that.
[ Are there narrative terms for this... He only has Frozen references. ]
It's like an eternal winter in July. But not in the cold sense. The air changes and everything, but only for a second, then it's gone.
[Yeah, Hans definitely deserves to be able to come and go as he pleases - here, maybe to Seymour's, anywhere they know he might like to be regularly. But if they get separated in an unfamiliar environment, the Balladeer can only imagine it'd be because something bad happened. He'd hate for Hans to not have a way out; if he's not able to help, there really is no one else.]
That's...interesting. [The colors could easily be a medium shift; Hans is used to a certain animation style.] See, it's not really like a door. There's not a scene change just sitting in the air here, I could do it anywhere as long as nobody's watching - think of it like a play. Once we walk offstage, no one thinks about where we've gone, so we can go wherever I want. Technically I could do it while they're watching too, but that'd break things unless teleportation already existed there or I'd set myself up as some kind of wizard...
It'd probably be easier to start if we just did it in the same place every time, huh. [Maybe he doesn't need to go through all the actual mechanics.]
[ I mean, if Bal was ever in any trouble, Hans wouldn't want to leave him either. But they'd be in some deep trouble, they'd need to pull some serious magic to save him. It could be a fun kink meme prompt. ]
Okay, that... kind of makes sense. [ I mean technically Hans has an official live action version, thanks OUAT, but he's not that Hans. It's a lot to get straight when you're just a Disney character, but wizards and magic seem to work the same way, there's just. Stage rules? ]
Yeah, the same place could work. Or, would some kind of distraction work? Kind of like how they dim the lights when people change the setting onstage?
I mean, we can't exactly go behind a curtain, so...
[ Smoke bombs and magic tricks, this sounds like a great plan. ]
Yeah, like a pocket watch, or some kind of piece of jewelry? It'd have to only work for me since, if we're really thinking of a worst-case here, if it got stolen that would be bad.
[ And probably the plot to yet another wacky hijinks adventure.
Gee, it's a good thing the store is probably reasonably empty right now. This would be a weird conversation to overhear. ]
It'd probably be complicated enough that any thieves would wind up in South Pacific or something. But yeah, good idea.
[He picks up some lights to inspect them, then tosses them in a cart. They seem pretty long. He'll get like five boxes.]
What if I set up a few doorways in our house to places you'd go often, and then you had something that just let you get back home? If anything happened that'd make you need it, home's probably the safest place to go.
[ That seems to be how these things work out. He's getting the hang of it, maybe. Still no clue about Christmas lights though, so you're on that duty, Bal. ]
That sounds like a safe enough plan. My thing could be more of an anchor than actually magic. And if we keep things at home... well, people are less likely to just stumble inside.
[ But think about how fun it would be at parties! ]
That'd probably be easier to work out. Sounds good to me. [Can that be a Christmas gift? Maybe. He'll have to make it look nice, whatever he attaches it to.] What color ornaments do you like?
[And here we go, collecting red and purple ball ornaments.]
We'll get a star or something for the top. I don't know about angels, we know too many people who know them...hey, are you going to give me a Christmas list? [Honest question, he does not know if this is a thing people do]
[The Balladeer sucks thoughtfully on his teeth for a moment, then shrugs.]
Yeeeeah, that would be best. I've never had to get anyone gifts before...I can make one too, if you want? [He's not sure he wants for anything, really, but Hans will want to get him something.]
I...I was assuming you wouldn't want to send any gifts back, but if you want to get something for Lars, I can deliver it. [He sounds doubtful; he hasn't gotten the impression that the two were close, so much as Lars was the only one who wasn't a complete and utter ass. Also Lars is likely to be spending the holidays alone now, which is depressing even if it is a step up from family time. Should he ever tell Hans about the curse thing? Probably.]
[ Admittedly, Hans can't think of anything the Balladeer would want or need that he can't just will into existence. ]
I was going to try and knit you a scarf or a hat. I just have to learn how to knit.
[ He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers a bit. He's still so bad at this. This should not be this embarrassing. Then again, when it comes to his family... ]
I guess we could get Lars some kind of history book? He's kind of a nerd, he'd enjoy something like that. Not that he ever got me anything. But he's the third-born son, he was always very busy around my birthday.
[ There it is. He's gonna find out eventually, Bal. ]
[The Balladeer looks genuinely touched. No one's ever made him anything before - nothing that wasn't food, anyway.]
Maybe if - no, no, nevermind. I'll let you do it. [Him lining up knitting lessons seems a little overly controlling around the whole gift thing. Is it? He knows he'd rather go get Hans something alone than have him stand right next to him and pick it out, so.] If you don't want to get him anything, don't feel like you have to. I'm sure he's plenty busy right now -
[Wait]
Your birthday? [god, he sort of forgot those existed] When's your birthday?
It's the only thing I could come up with that you couldn't make.
[ Hans shrugs. He's actually really pleased that Bal is so touched, but you know he's gonna try to play it off a little. ]
No, I don't mind getting him something. I can always take the high road there, it's not like he ever actively antagonized me and I'm... trying to be nicer, so it wouldn't be a bad thing.
[ Oh, right. Birthdays. Those are things people celebrate when they're not thirteenth huh. ]
My birthday is on Christmas Day. But I haven't celebrated it since I was... uh, actually I can't remember. Probably never? [ He's totally cool with this, it's been twenty-three years of indifference and torment. ] My brothers used to tease me about it every year, I'm sure you can imagine the kinds of things they said about me.
[Wait, is comparing him to Jesus one of those things his brothers said? We all know he's no Christ allegory anyway, we've already got one in the cast.]
We have to have a party. [He claps his hands together.] A birthday party! I'm so glad you said something, I'd forgotten about birthdays. How do we have a birthday party?
[Cake, right? He knows how to bake a cake. And...what, hats? Again, he suspects this is all for children's birthday parties. But since Hans never had any of those, maybe that isn't such a bad thing?
He'll ask Seymour. No...maybe Billy. Who does he know that didn't have an awful childhood?]
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Great! It looks fantastic. We're gonna need to string the lights around...I don't know how long the strings are, maybe two or three for this? And then the back and the front...
[He's already moving back through the house as he's talking, to peer out at their backyard. It's not particularly landscaped, and the wild plants are already starting to creep up from the woods into what's supposed to be their lawn. Honestly, he doesn't mind enough to do anything about that.]
Maybe we could just get bigger ones for out there. Like lanterns? It'd be good if anyone gets lost in the Woods this winter, it's starting to get too cold for wandering long. [He somehow pronounces the capital W. The Woods as a trope are pretty eternal, and very easy to lose your way in, only to end up in mysterious otherworldly places. Something to watch out for.]
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[ Hans nods at the tree, smiling. It doesn't have to be huge to be perfect, and right here it looks perfect. Watching Bal be this excited is endearing on its own. Hans hasn't gotten birthday presents for years, but this could be it. Seeing the Balladeer's face on Christmas morning is definitely going to be worth it.
Hans may not know what happens to kids who get lost in the woods or why they'd end up at their place, but he follows the Balladeer into backyard. It is definitely an abyss back there. You know, just a little unsettling. But it's nothing some Christmas can't fix.. ]
I think I saw some ornaments made of lights, if nothing else. They were like... Reindeer and presents, we could set those up, too!
[ Are lawn ornaments tacky? Because at this rate they're just going to be a giant beacon of light and that's okay. ]
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He may have already done the early-story vengeful curse-layer bit as well. But that usually requires you to go to the curse-ees, and also he might not have technically told Hans that he turned the majority of his family into sea monsters? Billy promised not to tell him first, so.]Yeah! We could just string them along the treeline, no need to totally decorate any one of them. And we'll need normal ornaments for this one in here...let's head back and look at what they have?
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He's not gonna be mad, Bal. I mean they totally had it coming and he hates most of them... He'd just feel bad that you had to meet so many of them.]Whatever looks good, honestly. I'll follow your lead. [ He's still getting used to Christmas lights in general but they seem really cool. ]
Sure, we should have a look! [ And it's not like going back to the store takes more than a few seconds. ] What kind of ornaments did you want to get?
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Look he's not a hundred percent proud of it. He's not the kind of person that generally doles out life-altering curses.]I don't know, the round ones? That's the kind they always have in show trees. [He turns to start heading back out the front, towards the rip in time-space that leads back to the store.] Do you think you could find your way out of here without me?
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Just blame Hans' influence somehow. Disney has a way with poetic justice.]Okay, just making sure. I've heard some people hand-make them but I've always thought the trees look a little messy when they don't all coincide.
[ He's not the most creative guy, this Hans. He also tries not to think too hard about how the tears in time and space work, only that things often lead where they shouldn't. Perhaps even when they shouldn't. ]
Do you mean the house? Or just to the store?
[ There's some stage magic keeping the town a short walk away, sure, and Hans does plan on buying Bal a gift when he gets the chance and he's not looking. So... hopefully there's a way back, right? ]
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[He takes Hans's hand, leading him back through the scene transition into the outskirts of the town.]
We've all had enough of being stuck in places, I guess.
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[ It does bear questioning, huh. Hans follows the Balladeer through the door/portal/what have you, but he looks back as they enter the store. ]
But you're right. If we get separated or anything... I'd rather be able to come home.
[ He's not narratively aware the way Bal is, but he can kinda tell there's something weird about the scene transitions they use. Enough that he'd probably recognize one if he saw one. Just because he can't make them doesn't mean he can't use them alone, right? Probably? ]
Is there something you could do? Like leave doors, or make them open just for me?
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[That's some Night Vale shit right there. He doesn't want to risk their home going sideways if people start conceiving of them as the People Beyond The Doors or something.]
Besides, I couldn't put one everywhere we go. It'd be good to figure out something else, if we're separated while traveling somewhere new or something...what do they feel like, for you?
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[ Then again, how to handwave Hans traveling on his own... it's not like he can get temporary narrator powers, that's waaay too much power to give a former villain. But getting separated would... well, Hans would be in some serious trouble, probably. But he could make it work. ]
It's kind of hard to put into words. It's like... Well, they always feel out of place. Like the colors are off. But it's more than that.
[ Are there narrative terms for this... He only has Frozen references. ]
It's like an eternal winter in July. But not in the cold sense. The air changes and everything, but only for a second, then it's gone.
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That's...interesting. [The colors could easily be a medium shift; Hans is used to a certain animation style.] See, it's not really like a door. There's not a scene change just sitting in the air here, I could do it anywhere as long as nobody's watching - think of it like a play. Once we walk offstage, no one thinks about where we've gone, so we can go wherever I want. Technically I could do it while they're watching too, but that'd break things unless teleportation already existed there or I'd set myself up as some kind of wizard...
It'd probably be easier to start if we just did it in the same place every time, huh. [Maybe he doesn't need to go through all the actual mechanics.]
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Okay, that... kind of makes sense. [ I mean technically Hans has an official live action version, thanks OUAT, but he's not that Hans. It's a lot to get straight when you're just a Disney character, but wizards and magic seem to work the same way, there's just. Stage rules? ]
Yeah, the same place could work. Or, would some kind of distraction work? Kind of like how they dim the lights when people change the setting onstage?
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[They should buy smoke bombs.]
Maybe I could give you some kind of "magic thing". [He does the air quotes.] It could be enough of an explanation to work.
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[ Smoke bombs and magic tricks, this sounds like a great plan. ]
Yeah, like a pocket watch, or some kind of piece of jewelry? It'd have to only work for me since, if we're really thinking of a worst-case here, if it got stolen that would be bad.
[ And probably the plot to yet another wacky hijinks adventure.
Gee, it's a good thing the store is probably reasonably empty right now. This would be a weird conversation to overhear. ]
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[He picks up some lights to inspect them, then tosses them in a cart. They seem pretty long. He'll get like five boxes.]
What if I set up a few doorways in our house to places you'd go often, and then you had something that just let you get back home? If anything happened that'd make you need it, home's probably the safest place to go.
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[ That seems to be how these things work out. He's getting the hang of it, maybe. Still no clue about Christmas lights though, so you're on that duty, Bal. ]
That sounds like a safe enough plan. My thing could be more of an anchor than actually magic. And if we keep things at home... well, people are less likely to just stumble inside.
[ But think about how fun it would be at parties! ]
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[He might make it take thieves somewhere nasty.]
That'd probably be easier to work out. Sounds good to me. [Can that be a Christmas gift? Maybe. He'll have to make it look nice, whatever he attaches it to.] What color ornaments do you like?
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Great. That'll be nice, at least then I don't have to bother you every time I want to go talk to Seymour or anything.
[ Plus it helps for visiting Eliza and asking her to teach him to knit, this works out perfectly. ]
Red usually looks good. Unless we want more than one color...? Because I kind of like purple, too.
[ But red is The Right Color, even Hans can see that. ]
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[And here we go, collecting red and purple ball ornaments.]
We'll get a star or something for the top. I don't know about angels, we know too many people who know them...hey, are you going to give me a Christmas list? [Honest question, he does not know if this is a thing people do]
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[ No one's ever gotten him gifts before. ]
I don't really know. No one's ever gone out of their way to get me anything before. I usually got whatever my brothers didn't want.
Should I make a list? [ He doesn't know where to start. Should he also mention it's his birthday... Hans, please. ]
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Yeeeeah, that would be best. I've never had to get anyone gifts before...I can make one too, if you want? [He's not sure he wants for anything, really, but Hans will want to get him something.]
I...I was assuming you wouldn't want to send any gifts back, but if you want to get something for Lars, I can deliver it. [He sounds doubtful; he hasn't gotten the impression that the two were close, so much as Lars was the only one who wasn't a complete and utter ass.
Also Lars is likely to be spending the holidays alone now, which is depressing even if it is a step up from family time. Should he ever tell Hans about the curse thing? Probably.]no subject
[ Admittedly, Hans can't think of anything the Balladeer would want or need that he can't just will into existence. ]
I was going to try and knit you a scarf or a hat. I just have to learn how to knit.
[ He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers a bit. He's still so bad at this. This should not be this embarrassing. Then again, when it comes to his family... ]
I guess we could get Lars some kind of history book? He's kind of a nerd, he'd enjoy something like that. Not that he ever got me anything. But he's the third-born son, he was always very busy around my birthday.
[ There it is.
He's gonna find out eventually, Bal.]no subject
[The Balladeer looks genuinely touched. No one's ever made him anything before - nothing that wasn't food, anyway.]
Maybe if - no, no, nevermind. I'll let you do it. [Him lining up knitting lessons seems a little overly controlling around the whole gift thing. Is it? He knows he'd rather go get Hans something alone than have him stand right next to him and pick it out, so.] If you don't want to get him anything, don't feel like you have to. I'm sure he's plenty busy right now -
[Wait]
Your birthday? [god, he sort of forgot those existed] When's your birthday?
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[ Hans shrugs. He's actually really pleased that Bal is so touched, but you know he's gonna try to play it off a little. ]
No, I don't mind getting him something. I can always take the high road there, it's not like he ever actively antagonized me and I'm... trying to be nicer, so it wouldn't be a bad thing.
[ Oh, right. Birthdays. Those are things people celebrate when they're not thirteenth huh. ]
My birthday is on Christmas Day. But I haven't celebrated it since I was... uh, actually I can't remember. Probably never? [ He's totally cool with this, it's been twenty-three years of indifference and torment. ] My brothers used to tease me about it every year, I'm sure you can imagine the kinds of things they said about me.
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[Wait, is comparing him to Jesus one of those things his brothers said? We all know he's no Christ allegory anyway, we've already got one in the cast.]
We have to have a party. [He claps his hands together.] A birthday party! I'm so glad you said something, I'd forgotten about birthdays. How do we have a birthday party?
[Cake, right? He knows how to bake a cake. And...what, hats? Again, he suspects this is all for children's birthday parties. But since Hans never had any of those, maybe that isn't such a bad thing?
He'll ask Seymour. No...maybe Billy. Who does he know that didn't have an awful childhood?]
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